Losing Faith - The Biggest Problem

It's a Tuesday afternoon - over two days since my last full contact training for American Football - and my body's still aching like hell. It's something I'm used to now, and after a debut season pouring my heart, soul and body into every move, both off and on the field, I'm ready for what this new season will bring. But it doesn't mean there are moments where I could just walk away and have done with it; and there are a lot.

To even walk into a gym takes a lot for most people (granted there are those of us who simply exude confidence and are less affected by such a thing), but it takes a hell of a lot more to stay there, to see some point in lifting another stupidly heavy weight whilst some mid-nineties crap skips over the speakers, and some fake-tanned meat-head leans over again to ask "You done wiv those weights mate?".

And even now, years after I first forced myself to do something about my bad health, I still find myself sat on work bench, music in my ears and absolutely no drive to do another muscle-straining set. And the truth is, these moments are healthy. Without a moment of sheer despair and self-loathing it’s difficult to really see the extent of the problem. The desire to change something like a bad diet or crappy attitude to exercise can only spring into life once you've found yourself in that dark little hole looking up for some glimmer of a way out.

If you met me you'd never think I play a sport, or a full contact one at that. And I fight every time I train to improve and raise the bar of my performance. I stopped playing rugby when I was 16, and never found the sheer drive to join a gym till I was 18. Over the last three years there have been times, maybe weeks at a time where I've found myself avoiding the gym - because its too much effort, because I felt like shit, or simply because it was the last thing on my mind at the time. And once again, as hard as it was, I somehow needed to fall off the bandwagon to find the drive again that made me want to change my life in the first place.

"Confidence and commitment, are the single, most important factors in making that first step" - the words of my Offensive Coach - nuff' said.